06 Greatest Lessons I Have Learnt Being An Uncle

Knowledge comes to you when you are ready for it.

For the most part, my uncle has been an elusive figure in my life. I used to remember him for his strong demeanour, a loud echoing voice and an eternally angry face. Yet amidst these presumptions, he is a soft hearted man who would visit us to spend long hours of the day talking to his sister (my mother) while sipping on some Sri-Lankan brewed black coffee, their absolute favourite.

I used to stare at this man and wonder, what is it about this guy? Why is it that I know almost nothing about him yet I adore him so much?

I see the answer now, through the eyes of my sister’s children. The base of their love towards me is linked to the knowledge of my closeness to their mother (my sister). From being a boy who used to drown in his own world, I now have been humbled by these mini souls that I call life changers. These creatures see me in a whole new eye and in turn helped me see the world as it should be.

My greatest learnings of being an uncle:

1) Question everything, and forever be bewildered by the lack of answers.

Try tell a story of the “Three Little Pigs” to a 3 year old. You will be absolutely surprised at how many questions they will ask you.

I: (Begins the story…)
Nephew: Are the three pigs brothers?
I: Yup. They are triplets.
Nephew: What are triplets?
I: (I walked right into that one) Umm…it means they all came to this world together.
Nephew: Why does the wolf want to eat them?
I: Because he is hungry.
Nephew: Why didn’t the wolf’s Mom feed him?
Me: (Shit.)

This boy was cooking up questions faster than a rapper with his rhymes. Now see these questions for what they truly are.

I: (Begins the story…)
Nephew: Are the three pigs brothers? — A need to create relationships in his mind.
I: Yup. They are triplets.
Nephew: What are triplets? — Inquisitiveness towards a new word.
I: (I walked right into that one) Umm…it means they all came to this world together.
Nephew: Why does the wolf want to eat them? — Questioning a reality that seems hostile in his beliefs.
I: Because he is hungry.
Nephew: Why didn’t the wolf’s Mom feed him? — His perspective of critical thought and logic.
I: (Shit.)

It was not too long when the effects started getting a hold on me. My nephew taught me to be curious about relationships and ask myself how I can take them further. He showed me the importance of a curious mind that seeks the new. He taught me the importance of reviewing my decisions and making sure they are not hostile to the human principles within me. Finally, this little philosopher has helped me go against the wind of what is believed to be true, in order to discover the truth for myself.

Question everything! There is so much to gain in the little observations we make. A growing mind is one that looks at everything with a different perspective, and then questions the gap of the unknown.

2) Your “word” is law.

If to speak is a privilege, then the words you speak become the gift to the world. A gift so strong that it becomes engraved into the very fabric of the universe.

Children are beings of truth. They are the unadulterated speakers of our time. Every word uttered is meant, and every meaning has substance in their path to growing into wonderful people. But many of us loose it along the way to the igniter of all crimes, the lie. It amazed me when my nephew would say something absurd that occurred, and my first instinct was to see it as a playful lie. But it never was! He saw no need to alter the truth, in fact he did not know of such ideas.

So when do we learn to lie? I think it boils down to understanding what we believe is the truth. The truth is a responsibility. It is an ownership of something that you nurture and carefully let loose with the purpose of it multiplying into more truths. I think where we fail is in our inability to show children the importance of responsibility. Because once you are responsible, you at least know that when you lie, the negative effects of it come back to you.

My nephew recorded everything I said and held me accountable all the time. It made me self-aware of what I chose to say not just to him, but to anyone. I have stopped lying to myself, which I used to do to protect a false image of what I hoped people would see me as. I am no perfect being, but I have taken the steps to speak the hard truths that I am responsible for.

What is said, can never be undone. So think twice and make it count.

3) Imagine. Imagine. Imagine.

Colour inside the lines or the picture gets ugly! Most kids develop an anxiety as their shaky hands let a vibrant red line cut across a stale black print. Those who manage to achieve the feet of colouring inside have lost half their energy just to make sure to achieve an adult’s perception of perfection.

The constructive mind often repels the creative one on the grounds that creativity is destructive, irrational and creates isolation. I like to think of creativity as empowering, boundless and unique. Where does rational thought come from in the first place? It has to be from the initial experiments conducted by the creative mind.

So I stood in the middle of a maze where I have been influenced by a schooling system, a corporate culture and a human construct that limits my individuality. But, I look at my nephew and see a rebel, an exuberant being who seems to care about nothing but his wild imagination, and the unimaginable endings to the little stories of his day. Creativity is a mind space. A mind space must flow and discover things on its own.

“In the process of pursuing creativity, the process becomes creativity.”

4) Crying after falling down is okay, just make sure you get back up quickly.

Insert cheesy Rocky quote.

“ It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” — Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa.

Within the plethora of these common motivational quotes exists an undeniable point, that they are all true. Why? because the essence of it is established at a very young age. Unfortunately many of us forgot the struggle and the lesson.

I lost count of the number of times my nephew fell in his attempts to walk. There were moments he was so afraid he would fall, that he chose to run instead of walk. A rather peculiar approach, because the pain from such a fall was bound to be more. However, that did not mean he didn't attempt it again the very next day. I use to wonder, did you not learn little man? Do you want to go through the same pain? My theory was that kids are blessed with forgetfulness, so they do not remember what happened earlier. But this proved to be wrong too, as they choose to forget the pain and remember the lesson. My nephew began to learn the details to his mistakes in each of his previous falls. Maybe how he positioned his feet, the importance of looking straight and not down and so much more.

So what was it then? The answer was glaring right in my face. It is his second nature to walk, he must do it, he must walk and he knows this so naturally. In his brief moments of walking before a fall, he is able to experience the thrill of what it feels like to walk. He soon becomes hungry, and desires this feeling of elation because it is his right.

It is a human’s second nature to yearn for growth. Falling in the process of acquiring this growth should be taken as another point in the natural journey of life.

5) Establish meaningful connections.

A child does not waste time with people they don’t like. In fact if that person persists, they can be so bold as to say that they don’t like them. I have come to understand that humans in general have an energy meter. This meter is full when they wake up in the morning, and is gradually reduced during the course of the day. The highest proportion of the reduction generally occurs due to the relationships in one’s life. The more closer the relationship, the less energy is required to maintain it. Likewise, the more uncomfortable you are with a person, the more energy you spend to bridge or mend that relationship.
But don’t children have a higher energy meter than we do? Yes! most likely. However, even with such a luxury they choose to use it sparingly. They choose the best relationships and save the rest of their energy to fulfil their curiosities.

6) Spend time with the elders.

Kids and grandparents have an unparalleled connection. It’s almost as if they see a part of them in each other. What makes their relationship so special is their willingness to invest a great amount of time in each other’s company. The commonality is that they are both open to each other’s stories. When the elder speaks, the child is amazed, which fills the child’s ever so growing curiosity. On the flip side, when the child speaks, the elder is filled with a joy that no word can express. A joy that makes them feel youthful.

Perhaps in this beautiful picture lies a deeper ideology, one which I believe is the icing to the cake in the bond between these two groups. It all boils down to how both the child and the elder knows that whatever they share to one another will go into an endless abyss. A place of no proof of what is said, as each other’s memory is either ageing or has not reached the capacity to store.

So I have learnt to give an ear to my elders. To give them the comfort of a sharing space. Through this, I have learnt the value of listening and the profound beauty in their wisdom. A scenario where love and “letting go” prevails.

A scenario where love and “letting go” prevails.

A Message:

I know today that my nephew may not remember these moments when he is older, but these moments will forever be part of me.

I share these stories because even the strongest of us who go through the roughest of days, seek the comfort of those we love, just to bring us to the present moment.

Take some time to look at some of your relationships and appreciate how they have made an impact on you. Trust me, you’ll find it enlightening.